


Nothing Left

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-11
Updated: 2004-05-11
Packaged: 2018-04-11 13:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4437296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic Drabble {I Don't Have Anything by Vast}</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Left

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

“How do I know? I stood on mountaintops that overlooked the world and all I found was a void inside.” Dom’s hands grasped the window ledge as he stared out of the 19th story apartment window. His fingers, which were white from grasping onto the sill, as if to save his own life, contained seven different rings, one which was a gift from Ali, Sean’s daughter. Dom was frightened. Billy could tell from the way he stood and from how he seemed to barely be able to hold himself up if not for that ledge. Dom had gone and done the scariest thing he had ever done in his entire life, and all he had gotten in return was a simple blank stare that conveyed feelings of distrust from the other party. “Do you have any idea what I did? How many times I tried to deny it? To forget it? Do you Billy?” Dom finally turned to look at the older man. Dom’s eyes were slightly bloodshot and Dom himself looked physically and emotionally exhausted. “I tried so hard to ignore it. To forget it. I went to places where I could forget your name. Forget my name. To just…forget.” It was then that Billy began to understand. The reasons why he wasn’t at home at night. Why he slept the entire day. Why he seemed unable to stand. Why he seemed disheveled, unkempt, on the brink of tears. Drunk to forget. “And I tried Billy, God knows I tried but I couldn’t find anything. I couldn’t forget and every time I started to succeed all I could find was a void inside me. I was denying a part of me and all that did was make it worse.” Billy continued to stand in the middle of Dom’s apartment, continued to stare at the man in front of him that had moments ago said three words that shook Billy to his core. _"I love you."_ “ And I tried to cover it up. I tried to cover up the hurt and the pain when you left with her.” Billy cringed as Dom mentioned Oscar night when they had had their last fling ...and Billy had gone and thrown everything in Dom’s face as he left Dom’s hotel room after their fight with Ali. “I tried alcohol, drugs, women, men…you name it Bills I did it. And nothing happened. All it did was amplify the hurt, the pain….the absolute void inside me. I didn’t have anything.” Dom finally sunk into his old ratty couch, tears finally spilling down his cheeks. It was then that Billy finally noticed all the bruises and cuts on Dom’s otherwise flawless body. His hands, which were normally covered in black ink, now were grizzled from cuts and dried blood and seemed to crack when he bent them and Billy was unable to do anything but continue to stand there and stare at him. “What can I buy to make the sky turn blue again Bills? Where can I go to feel like I’m alive again? I feel empty. So god damn fucking empty and I am so sick of hiding it. So sick of pretending. Sick of lying, of trying to cover it up, and I…I just want it to stop.” Dom collapsed, dropping the beer bottle in his right hand and burying his head into his hands. “I am so fucking tired William.” Billy started slightly at the use of his full name that had only been used by his grandmother and when Margaret was mad at him. “I know we agreed to break it off Bills but, oh god. I can’t do this. I can’t. Billy, oh god.” Dom choked back a sob and his red rimmed eyes bore into Billy. Dom buried his face back in his hands and seemed to choke back another sob. “Can you show me the places where I can forget your name-where I can run to escape my own fucking mind? Or my memory that refuses to stop replaying ever single event? Can you Billy? Can you show me how to forget like you did? Show me how to run away and ignore it all because it must work, since it did for you. Show me how to take the best thing that will ever happen to me and make me flush it down a toilet and say ‘Fuck it’ and then forget. Tell me Billy. Tell me how in the fucking hell you did it!” Dom’s eyes looked up and pierced into Billy’s soul and Billy felt like a knife was cutting it in half. Dom’s anger abated as quickly as it flared up and his shoulders slumped back into the couch. “You were the one who didn’t want to end it.” Dom paused to regain his breath. “And then you were the one who wanted to break it. William, do you have any fucking clue what that did? To me? You took me and you broke me and you can see now, I’m falling apart. I can’t find anything. There is nothing inside me. Nothing left. Only a void inside. I don’t have anything because I don’t have you anymore. Nothing.” A solitary tear ran down Dom’s cheek and he quickly brushed it off. Dom turned his hands over staring at them. “I have been stripped of everything except some flesh that bleeds. No emotion, no feelings. Nothing.” He turned to look at Billy once more, his eyes cold and unemotional. Billy shuddered in their cold as he had, at one time, basked in their warmth. “I have been robbed of everything except a soul.” Dom stood up and moved over to Billy. He shook his head and stood right in front of Billy. “A soul that needs you. I don’t have anything because I don’t have you.” Billy just continued to stare at Dom's face unmoving. Unflinching.

"And now you never will." Billy turned on his heel and left Dom, crumpled and broken on the floor.


End file.
